The sniffles
by BAILETTE
Summary: Naboo has the sniffles, but on Xooberon, it is known as a life threatening illness. Will two loyal friends of the shamen be able to find the cure in time? or are they too interested in exploring their new feelings for each other? Howince fluffy agnst
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first ever Fanfiction so please be kind boosh fans, i've heard how nasty you guys can get. I am joking, that was a joke... please get the joke. Anyway here goes nothing, oh and i have corrected the mistakes for the earlier readers. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, _'The mighty boosh'_ do!**

_

* * *

__'The sniffles'_

_Chapter 1_

The shop was predictably empty this morning and inside sat two very bored shopkeepers. Vince was sitting in his usual spot at the front of the shop window reading a Cheekbone magazine, whilst Howard was sitting at the shop counter stacking matchsticks on top of each other to create a pyramid of boredom. Normally they would be bickering about clothes and each others interests but today wasn't one of those days, they sat in silence and the only sounds to be heard were the rufflings of Vince's magazine pages and the sound of cars passing by from outside.

The silence was suddenly broken as Vince slammed his magazine down on his lap and swung his chair around to face Howard.

"Howard! I'm bored, I wan' do something fun" Vince sighed

"Why don't you do something fun without talking to _me_, It's never been this quiet since the shop first opened and I'm enjoying it!" Howard replied without taking his eyes off the matchstick pyramid.

"Don't lie Howard, your bored as well. Let's do something like errm We could build an ant farm? Or we could try and make the perfect perfume fragrance!" Vince visibly pondered at his own idea with a smile, he was right though, Howard was bored but he wasn't as bothered as Vince. For some reason he just always enjoyed the company of Vince whether it was boring or not.

"Don't be stupid Vince, hey why don't you go to the shop and get me a sandwich or something or go and bug Naboo!" Howard replied, trying not to sound too harsh on Vince. He knew Vince wouldn't take anything too seriously but he still cared about his feelings, as a friend.

"Naboo isn't feeling well apparently, probably too many White Russians from last night but I will go up and check how he's doing anyway."

"Yeah you go do that, ill just finish my little project here" Howard replied leaning back on his chair with a proud grin on his face as he looked at his matchstick pyramid but as he leaned back, he leaned a little too far. Using his feet to cling to the table to resist him falling, with one swift movement each matchstick fell to the ground making Howard twitch slightly and his face turned red slightly with annoyance. Vince left the scene trying hard to hold in the loud cackle of laughter waiting to leave his throat, just able to squeeze out a 'Whatever' remark as he ran up the stares.

Outside the small shaman's bedroom Vince was about to open the door when a hairy gorilla walked straight into him, holding bottles of medicine in his paws.

"Oh sorry Bollo, Hey how's Naboo feeling since this morning? I was gun' ask him if he wanted…" Vince questioned before he was cut off by Bollo

"Naboo no good, he has the sniffles! Bollo bring him medicine" Bollo answered quickly as he opened the door and walked straight into the bedroom, Vince followed behind him and walked straight up to Naboo's bed.

"Hey Naboolio, heard your not feeling too good, is there anything Howard can do to help?" Vince joked but suddenly changed the tone as he saw the sweat dripping from Naboo's forehead and noticed his worryingly pale complexion. The "Sniffles"? this looked a lot worse than the sniffles, flu, infection maybe or a virus Vince thought to himself. He was then distracted by the sound of coughing coming from the pale looking shaman.

"Vince! I need you to do me a favor" Naboo whispered as Noel edged in closer to listen to his friend, nodding his head in agreement.

"What is it Naboo?" he asked softly

"The sniffles is known to be a very deadly virus back in my home town on Xooberon, I forgot to take my yearly jab to stop me from catching it…" Naboo was cut off by his own coughing fit as Vince looked down at his friend then up at Bollo who also shared the same worrying expression as Vince. He grabbed Naboo's hand trying to comfort him whilst he caught his breathe back.

"What do you want me to do?" Vince asked, trying to sound calm for his companion but failed as his voice cracked slightly.

"I need you to go there and retrieve the cure from one of the shaman medicine keepers, use the transporter medallion and get back before… before I…" At that moment Naboo had another coughing fit and closed his eyes before he could finish his sentence, Bollo put a cold wet flannel onto the shaman's head in attempt to bring the fever down slightly.

"Before you what Naboo... Naboo? Wake up! Bollo find the medallion! I need to go get Howard before… before time runs out!" Vince said with huge worry in his voice before he ran out the door and shouted down to Howard. Bollo went over to the draw were Naboo kept his shaman equipment and pulled out the familiar device. A gold neck medallion that glittered a dark shade of green from the light coming from the window, Bollo growled underneath his breath.

"I gotta' bad feeling about this!"

In no time at all Vince had explained Naboo's situation to Howard and the two friends found themselves appear in the same familiar spot they did when searching for the fountain of youth. There was only one difference this time though, they had no time to loose and both of them were not in the mood to bump into any annoying short "Blue berks" on their voyage because their best friend's life was at stake.

"Did Naboo mention exactly were this medicine keeper would be?" Howard asked as they both started to walk in no particular direction, not having a clue were they were going.

"He could hardly talk Howard. let's just hope for the love of Jagger that he or she won't be too far!" Vince said through pants as they both increased their speed.

As the two shop keepers walked on into the deserted areas of the strange lands of Xooberon, surrounded by sand and rocks. Vince couldn't keep his mind off of his friends well being, what if they don't make it back in time? Naboo has been part of the group since he could remember working in the Zoo. He was always helping Howard and himself when they got into difficult situations, he would never had thought that one day Naboo's life would be in his hands and he would now be responsible for anything that happens. He also wondered what it would be like without the magical shaman, the shop would have to be closed down and he and Howard would have to get another job somewhere else and there were very limited choices in Hackney when the only skill on your CV would be the gift to talk to animals.

"That's it!" Vince shouted as he stopped walking and started to look around wide eyed at the area they had stopped in.

"Vince?" Howard questioned as he too stared at the sand and rocks to which Vince seemed to suddenly have an interest upon.

"Animals Howard, I can speak to them! ask them were the medicine man is!" Vince replied still searching for the slightest evidence of life between the tiny sand pebbles ands large rocks.

"Well you better get that beak of yours howling, tweeting, hissing or whatever noise you make when you speak to animals. The sooner we find the medicine keeper, the sooner we can get back to Naboo!" Howard said with a hint of hope and excitement in his voice. He also loved the way Vince talked to the animals, it was like he was possessed by a wild animal himself and for some reason Howard enjoyed watching it.

And as if by a miracle, a rabbit bounced into the scene and wondered over to Howard and glared into his eyes making a small noise as if it were trying to talk to him. Vince started to make the same noises back at the small critter as it faced Vince and after a few minutes, bounced away again. Vince grabbed Howards arm and started to walk at a very fast pace and Howard tried to keep up.

"What did it say?" Howard asked through pants of breath with a slight disappointment wondering why Vince didn't introduce him to the rabbit. Vince stopped and stared at Howard, suddenly Howard could see that Vince was upset and he couldn't help but put a reassuring arm over his shoulder.

"The rabbit knew… knows of Naboo and he overheard you mention him earlier. He said that the only one group of people that possess the cure for the Sniffles are just a few miles that way" Vince said through the hair that had fallen in front of his newly tanned features on his face, Howard never knew Vince produced freckles from sun exposure, Vince must have forgotten his sun cream from being in such a rush.

"Well what are we waiting for? we better get a wriggle on if we want to save Naboo" Howard advised as he pulled Vince's arm slightly but he saw the fear in the boys eyes, fear he had never seen before.

"What if they have already used it and there's none left? Naboo might die Howard and it will be my fault for not thinking it might have been serious when he said he wasn't feeling well this morning. What if he's already…" Vince trailed off into thought as Howard didn't even care to think before grabbing him and pulling him into a comforting hug, which surprisingly felt quite nice. He started rubbing his back with relaxing circle motions, hoping it would calm Vince down.

"He's fine Vince, he's a shaman! he will pull through. He is strong Vince and we have to try, try for Naboo and we will never find out whether these people have the cure on them until we act fast and get there now." Howard said in his most calming voice. He then pushed Vince forward and held his face in his hands as he wiped the tears from his freckled cheeks. It was a good look for Vince whether he was aware of them or not.

"Now are you ready to go or what?" He asked and with that Vince smiled weakly and started to walk with Howard towards a place which may hold a future for his shaman friend. He also couldn't wait to get Naboo better so he could get Howard into bed with him.

WHAT!! Vince couldn't, he just shouldn't and it was Howard, jazz freak, social freak and fashion enemy!


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews, this isn't how i thought it would turn out but i am happy that it has. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, _'the mighty boosh'_ do.**

_

* * *

__Chapter 2_

The journey was quiet as Vince thought about Howard and the fact he was angry at himself for thinking about sexual things when his friend was in danger. Howard was like a best friend to Vince, why was he suddenly feeling something more. He couldn't have done this without Howard; it was almost as if he relied too much on him and that he has to have his presence with him at all times. Maybe if he makes a move onto him they would end up as a couple, making them inseparable. Also there is the sexual tension he has been noticing over the past few weeks, they work together everyday and sleep in the same building, Vince has seen Howard naked and well he must admit, he _was_ impressed by the sight.

They finally reached a small community from walking for about ten minutes. The people seemed like regular shamans with their turbans and colourful robes, some of them had strange markings on their foreheads and cheeks and others were talking to lizards sitting beside them whilst smoking some hookah.

Vince was too scared to ask any of them about the medicine they were looking for, he was too afraid of the answer he would get in reply and Howard could sense it. So Howard took it upon himself to walk up to an old man sitting by a fire and left Vince standing next to a rock which resembled a giant turtle.

"Don't go anywhere!" Howard insisted, paranoid about the strange people that occupied the area, giving Vince distinctive glares that didn't seem too welcome. He always needed to know were Vince was when they go on trips. He loathed the fact that Vince gets a lot of attention from his style because it can attract people that want to cause trouble. He cared too much about the boy for something to happen to him, he was already worried as Vince was being deathly quiet on the journey but he didn't want to say anything as he knew he was delicate at the moment.

Vince leaned all his weight against the rock as soon as Howard had walked off. About 10 minutes ago he had started to feel a bit hot and tired, _maybe it's the sun_, he thought to Himself, _if only I had bought my sun cream_. Suddenly his head felt very heavy and his vision became hazed. He wiped his forehead and grimaced at the amount of sweat that was covering his forearm, _Why is it so HOT? _He questioned _why can't I breathe properly? And why does this sand taste so awful?_

Meanwhile Howard was in deep conversation about the sniffles with the old man sitting by the fire, completely unaware of a younger man near a bush a few feet away, listening in on the information Howard was sharing.

"So I only have enough to cure one person completely from the illness! We agree that the fee is 40 euros, yes?" The old shaman asks, as Howard handed over the money with a sigh of relief that he would be surprisingly lucky to find the man who possessed the medicine.

"Well it's going to have to be yes, we have to move fast though, we haven't got much time," Howard says before looking over to where Vince was standing, he was gone, were was he?

"All right cool your sand castles Mr, I'll go fetch the medicine now!" and with that he walked into his tent and the sound of ruffling through bags could be heard from inside.

"I just need to go fetch my friend I will be back in a sec!" Howard shouted as he started to walk at a fast pace into the direction of the massive turtle-shaped rock. The sun was just hitting sunset and Howard couldn't see Vince anywhere, until he looked down and saw the form of his friend face down in the sand, unmoving.

"Vince!" Howard called as he dropped to his knees and rolled the Chelsea boot lover onto to his back.

"Vince can you hear me? Wake up, what happened? Vince!" Howard was panicking now as he checked if Vince was breathing and he thanked the lord as he felt the breathe of air brush against his cheek.

"Howard? what happened? Is Naboo better?!" Vince questioned as he started to come around. The voice sounded like a rare beautiful jazz record to Howard as he looked up to see Vince opening his eyes.

"Vince, oh thank god! Don't worry I have the medicine, just enough to get Naboo cured, were going now ok?" Howard questioned not caring for the reply as he picked Vince up to support him as they walked back to the tent to fetch the medicine. Vince didn't protest as he used all his strength to walk, the smell of Howard's musky man scent making him mentally stronger to go on and to keep him awake.

"Is Naboo going to be OK?" Vince asked, feeling a bit better from the rhythmic movement of his limbs.

"Just! The guy only had enough for one person, so he's pretty lucky, how are you feeling, what happened?" Howard asked as he pulled Vince up a little more into him, feeling his arms tingle from the touch of Vince's arm around his waist.

"I dunno' I think it was the heat and the fact I missed breakfast this morning" Vince replied still clutching on tight to Howard as they staggered along.

When they reached the tent, Howard helped Vince to sit onto a rock as he took the medicine from the old man.

"So this is your friend, try to keep him away from the rest of us, we cannot risk spreading! Its all right for you, your human and cant catch the sniffles!" the old man stated as he covered his mouth.

"He's not a shaman though, so he cant have the sniffles!" Howard shot back, allowing Vince to take a sip of water and wiping the sand from his once colourful cheeks, which now grew very pale.

"Ooh he has the sniffles all right, I'm a very old shaman. I know when someone has it" he replied calmly.

"NO! Your wrong he doesn't, he cant, he's human…" Vince who had suddenly gone silent then into a coughing fit had started to fall backwards instantly cutting off Howard. Howard caught him and laid him to the ground, he grabbed the medicine bottle and put it to Vince's lips.

"No!" Vince yelped as he pushed Howard away, stopping him from letting a drip of the blue liquid enter his mouth.

"Naboo!" He croaked and started coughing again,

"Vince, please I can't let you die!" Howard complained as he watched Vince calm down from coughing and wipe the sweat from his top lip.

"Please Howard, I will hate you forever if you don't help Naboo!" He said, he didn't mean it though, he would never be able to hate Howard but Naboo needed it more than him right now and it was possible Naboo might know someone who has more of the medicine. Howard just stared at Vince, he didn't want his best friend to hate him, and he had tried so hard the past few years to impress the electro puff lying in front of him, the last thing he wanted was to upset him.

Suddenly a boy came running over, distracting Vince and Howard's lovingly gazes holding a note in his hand.

"Please I over heard of your situation and I know of someone who has the medicine you need, I have written down the address here. I had the illness a few days ago, but you must leave and take your friend now before anyone catches you. Human! You come back and collect the medicine. If anyone finds out that you have the sniffles they will kill you!" After the boy handed the note to Howard he ran from the campsite, leaving the two shopkeepers staring out into the darkness, it was a miracle, Howard couldn't believe their luck. Vince started to cough again and Howard reached for the transporting device in his bag.

"Did you hear that Vince, everything's going to be fine, now lets get that medicine to Naboo!" Howard said, grabbing Vince's hand a giving it a squeeze before pressing the green button on the medallion.

Howard felt dizzy as he saw the campsite dissapear and turn into a room full of colour and a familiar scent krept into his nostrils making him sigh loudly.

"Vince were ba..." Howard trailed of as he saw his hand was empty and his companion was nowere to be seen in the small room, he pressed the button on the medallion again... nothing happened.

"Vince?"


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm sorry is took me so long to update, especially with such a big cliffhanger, but i have been extremely busy. I hope this chapter isn't too bad, i was finding it hard to write because i was confusing myself with my own storyline. Like i said before this is my first fan fic and i know the grammar is bad but i havn't got time to put too much effort into it. My next story will though so don't worry!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, 'The mighty boosh' do!**

* * *

_Chapter 3_

Naboo felt awful. What did he drink last night? He opened his eyes to be greeted by two other pair of eyes staring straight down at him. One belonging to his familiar Bollo and the others were the easily recognizable tiny eyes of Howard Moon.

"It's worked!" Howard shouted,

"What are you doing in my room? What happened last night?" Naboo questions as he lifts his head up and looks around at his surroundings and suddenly remembers everything, each bit of information hitting his mind like raindrops on an umbrella.

"Naboo you were ill but I got the potion! We have to help Vince he's in trouble, he has the sniffles!"

Naboo looked up at Howard and used all his strength to get up and sit on the edge of the bed. He was fully aware that only a shaman could catch the sniffles and was thinking whether he might be dreaming or Howard was talking nonsense again.

"Only shamans can catch the sniffles Howard, where is he?" He looked around to find it was only the three of them occupying the room,

"That's the thing, I tried to transport us back but it only worked for me. Naboo you have to do something! The medallion won't work, and I can't get back to him. He's still out there. _Alone_!"

Vince _was _alone. He was alone in his own mind…

"_Howard! Howard! Where am I? Hello is anyone here?" Vince shouted. _

_It was dark, he can't remember anything and his head was hurting like a mother-bitch. His eyes were open but his sight was limited from the lack of light provided in the echo's that followed the space in front of him. Suddenly a dim, pink neon light started to fill his surroundings, small tank tops, vests, furry jackets and boots started to appear into focus, situated on manikins and hangers. _

"_Where am I? Is this…TOPSHOP?" _

"_Yes it is Vince!" A voice bellowed as a male figure suddenly appeared from around the corner, making Vince jump slightly. A spot light came on to complement the stranger's profile on view. His hair was dark and wavy; roughly shoulder length and his clothes fitted tightly around his small frame. _

"_M…M… Mick Jagger!" Vince squeaked as he looked on in awe at the person, the legend, the icon standing in front of him. _

"_Hello Vince. Hey what do you think of this top? It's on sale for only fifteen pounds!" The rolling stones front man asks as he pulled at the blue sparkling shirt fitted around his torso._

_For the first time ever, Vince was speechless as he took in the event unfolding in front of him, the question rolling around in his head like a ball in a pinball machine. So many answers could have been said, but Vince just stood there unable to commune to the rock star. Finally he found his voice,_

"_Why am I here? Am I d… where are my friends? Hold on… how do you know my name?" Vince kicked himself mentally for changing the subject from fashion, but he was so confused. _

"_You're a shaman Vince, and me? I am your familiar!" Mick said, noticing that Vince was getting very confused. _

"_I'm not a shaman, I'm Vince Noir! Electro super star!" Vince said, finally feeling comfortable talking to Mick, almost feeling quite smug from realizing that the information his idol had just given him was basically well. Bullshit!_

"_Where am I? this has got to be a dream!" Vince was getting scared now, he wanted to get back to Howard, no matter how much he loved talking to his idol. It's Just a weird dream, he thought to himself._

"_You are dreaming, but you are on Xooberon. When you dream here, the dreams unveil the real truth about yourself and i use to be your familiar when you lived on Xooberon but then something happened and we were separated on earth… and you were lost!"_

_Vince suddenly felt overwhelmed by his situation, he actually believed everything that Jagger was telling him and it all seemed to make sense. How he could talk to animals and why he always seemed to get his own way all of the time. Who would have thought Mick Jagger would be his familiar though, Vince idolized him as a god! Not as some shaman assistant. _

_Vince suddenly felt his chest turn really tight and found it hard to breathe. What was happening? He stared into Mick Jagger's eyes in a silent panic and swallowed nervously as he saw his idol fade away into nothingness. _

"He's waking up!" a voice called above his head, Vince felt awful and he was finding It very hard to breathe. The voice was a stranger to his ear but he was too scared to open his eyes, too scared to see who the stranger was.

"Take me back to Topshop!" Vince croaked through sharp breaths.

"Your not going anywhere shaman. We _cannot_ let you infect other people!" The stranger said with frustration and anger evident in his tone. Suddenly Vince remembered why he felt like he did and he remembered Howard, he wished it was Howard's voice he was hearing above him. He opened his eyes just enough to see two men standing over him with white suits on, and some polo shaped device covering their nose and mouths.

"Who are you?" Vince asks but was cut off from a searing pain in his chest and starts to cough uncontrollably; he couldn't help but hear one of the men say something to the other, something Vince didn't want to hear.

"We have to kill him!"


End file.
